correction to the post below this

i don't want that to sound harsher than it is...you are still here for me in ways...and i am thankful for that....it's just that there has been a massive change...and i am trying my hardest to find what happened, what brought it about....why...it happened.....that's my biggest problem right now....i'm confused...and part of my soul is in a rage...and that is the part i'm trying to keep under wraps....and it is also the part that is lieing to me...convincing me of horrible things...that aren't really actaully happening so to say.....once i can calm and quiet him down then i'm sure things will be quite alright...bare with me.....just bare with me....these past messages seem harsh.....but this is my venting ground...as you can see i'm reasoning things out as i type along....and i'm already getting calmer.....gah.....i'm not usually this crazy....i've just had a lot pent up in my mind for a long time...feelings i've tried to hide or deny.....it catches up sooner or later...and attacks the shit out of you before you can really notice what is happening......I'm ashamed and always have been...of this part of me....the saddness...the depression....it makes me look weak...pathetic...unatractive....i only hope you can see through to the heart of me...and realize that nothing has really changed...and that i'm still here...i'm just trying to deal with my head right now....i get so embarassed that anyone has to see me like this....that is why i've always kept people at a certain distance....i'm scared to show them this....scared that this is the reason why i'll continue to be rejected....and that is my biggest fear right now...you'll see this...and go running........and that's why i feel extra crazy.....ok....reasoning out...that does feel better...