Long time , no blog

So I've been sucking at this blog thing lately.....I need to get better at this.....Yesterday....Yesterday was an interesting day to say the least. I've been waking up in sweats again...waking with fear in my heart and mind..this overwhelming sense of ugh...it happens now and then....but now I get super paranoid...paranoid because the death dreams are also coming back...I'm hoping they end soon because when they continue someone always dies...It has happened with every death in my life..it starts as an uncomfortable feeling..forboding...ominous...like there is a film over my skin that i can't seem to wash off...then the dreams start...they grow in intensity and freqency until the inevitable happens...I hope I'm wrong this time......Yesterday it hit me and I started to dwell; my mind acted as the usual chasm of twists and turns and paths that lead directly to a feeling of ick....I couldn't wait to get home in order to bask in the amazing energy of my loves....and at first...i didn't feel instant relief like I expected...But it slowly washed over me like a blanket of warm fuzziness and I gradually became myself again....they put my soul at ease...I've never experienced anything like it....And the new addition to the group...what an amazing type of energy....it's so unique....It's as if he casts a blanket of energy over you that just wraps you in warmth and security....it's so strong yet so.....elusive...for the simple fact that you don't notice it until you pay attention to it...I felt the three energies around me and within me...and I was whole again....and singing also helped a lot...Today went MUCH better even though I had to work on the one nice day out of the whole f'ing month....It was a great shift and went by pretty fast...I'm still wide awake, and the last one up in the house...but I feel my soul is safe here.....
--------apparently there is a flood watch for us....what an interesting time to get a weather alert....hehehe
tomorrow is work...yet again...but I need the hours and the money....and it's only a 4 hour shift...then it is party time and a day off on sunday...which will probably be spent doing yard work for my grandmother...i can't really complain...I'll be outside in the sun and will be getting paid for it...any income counts right? more blogging soon!!!!