sleep

i'm verging on no sleep as of late...as it is now 5:38 in the morning and the sun is rising...and no sleep yet....everyone has now gone to sleep....and the cycle continues where ever i go...i'm always the last one up and awake..trying to keep myself busy and my mind occpied enogh for me to catch a break in my thoughts and lay my head to rest for a few hours....yeah ive started smoking lightly again.....i feel horrible about it....but i'm so damn stressed out lately...especially about money....i hate it...money sucks....yet i desire it...i guess i just hate not having money.....i shouldn't blog this late (early) because it always comes across as the world is wrong...it's not....i'm so happy through the day...but for many years now i've used late nights as time for me....to ponder...to think....which isn't always a good thing in certain areas.....so that is why the last few blogs have been all heavy thinky type.....because it's late and i've already spent the whole night walking a maze in my head....Oracle stated that he worries for me...being an insomniac....but his company late at night really gets me through it easier....



You think this is how I am jsut because i'm not settled in all the way and don't have a bed...but you'll soon learn that this heart and soul are never at rest...well that's a lie...but at night at least...and this does continue...as it will when i'm fully settled in here....bedrooms make me feel more isolated....and when your biggest fear is that you are going to wake up one day completely alone...everyone either deserting you or suddenly vanishing...isolation or feelings of isolation can be very hard to deal with let alone sleep through..(now you guys know my absolute biggest fear)..but i won't show it....Oracle got it right with the whole chimera thing....i won't let it show...and i'll do exactly what i've done for as long as i remember....just keep swimming