vent

this one is for a friend...a friend that started the same old shit with me today that was one of the main causes for our break up years ago....It's always me being there for him and when i finally take a breather and am under a lot of stress and the focus is not on how he is feeling i get accused...i get words shoved down my throat...thoughts that were not mine taken out of my head....I get accused of being a bad friend, of not being there when "he needed me" of making excuses to not hang out with him...that I don't really want the friendship....and nothing i say will be the right thing..and nothing i do will be the right move....I'm fucking done with that...where was he during the hardest times of my life....when i had a hole in my heart and soul the size of the universe..when i lost not one but two people that were so precious to my heart....where was he when i felt so dead inside that i did not care what happened to me...where was he when i reached out to him for a friend....that's right...nowhere in sight...he was always busy on school work..always busy working on the CD...always busy writing music....so I don't ever want to fucking hear that he's always been there for me.....I don't want to hear that the sole reason why i haven't talked to him in a week is because i don't want his friendship anymore...or that I'm lieing to him to not hurt his feelings...I've been so stressed out over things lately, mainly money and paying for rent and bills and my credit payments...working a job that is over an hour away because my manager won't follow up on my transfer....what my future is going to hold as far as my job status.....did he ever stop to think that maybe i need some time to sort through my head??did he ever try and think that oh maybe there's something wrong and that is why he's pulled back a little?? No, he hasn't....as soon as his problems are not at the forefront of my world then all hell breaks loose...i get accused of being selfish...of never being there...of not trying...well you know what this one is for you.