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there are so many things troubling my mind lately....yet i'im scared to talk to you about them....
I feel like a whiney little fucking bitch lately and I hate it because i can see that i'm doing it....one, it comes from this really being the first time being really sick and not having my mother around to check up on me or have anyone around to take care of me...and I should be used to that by now...I've faced things that would drive anyone mad all on my own, yes, it may have damaged me,in ways, i feel, beyond repair, but that is the world that we live in and I shouldn't expect anything different or special for me. My head is so full of doubt and heart so full of fear lately and i feel like i'm becoming needy, moody, and unpleasant to be around because of it but this, mixed with the horrid dreams i've been having, make it near impossible to ignore or stuff down inside like i'm so able and capable of doing. Bare with me everyone...I've hit a rough patch...I'm hoping it will pass soon...please let it pass soon..I'm sorry to anyone this may have affected... when you have reocurring dreams of desertion and self-destruction, you start to believe it is happening in real life....

I don't want to go through this again, i'm trying everything in my power to keep from falling to the bottom again....just please, the only thing i ask is to help me out if i need it