oh today

my mother is home again cause she is sick....upper respritory infection...sound familiar anyone?? haha anyway i guess it is nice to have her here during the day even though i usually use this as my quiet time on my days off....I'm really trying to take in the moments i have with the parents, especially my mother as of late...i just realized that sometimes i take having her for granted....and i never ever want to do that with anyone...i'm going to be moving out soon and things undoubtedly are heading into a glorious new chapter in my life and i'm so excited...so now i must absorb the moments i haave living under one roof with them. Anyway today is a day of speculation...of contemplation...my mind is sound...for now at least and i feel i can think more in depth without my raging emotions getting in the way...well they are still raging but today has been a day to accept them raging, acknowledge them and put the aside for the time being....i'm still shopping for someone...as well as making something i think you'll like.....it is your birfday after all...but that is the only hints i'm giving you :op''' well that is all to report for now, i must get dressed and get ready for the day and not waste the glorious sunlit sky outside...i have work tonight...ick...6:45 to 10:45...what an annoying shift....only 4 hours....yak....people should come visit!!!
Cameron came over last night..we talked the night before....i've been warning and talking with him just because i want him to move on to a brighter future...i want him to get over this and sometimes i feel so bad that he fell that deep with me....because i hate to ssay that he is not the one that i'm supposed to be with....his energy didn't match up to mine...the soul energy familiarity i look for wasn't there....the personalities were too different.....he's a great guy...a little clingy at times.....but he's a good soul.....and i hate hurting innocent people.....it's just hard to tell someone that may love you that they aren't the one you are supposed to fall in love with...and that it just isn't working.....anyway he came over and we hung out and watched a movie, it was cool...i just hope that he can do that alright without adversly affecting his own psyche....if he needs time he needs time and shouldn't be hanging with the one that has been making him so crazy....i told him this and he said it wouldn't matter anyway....but i don't see hwo that is possible....more later!!!!! enjoy the sun everyone!!!!!