reflections part 2

Saturday came quite fast and I knew that it would be an equally difficult day. Justin passed away a year ago from diabetic shock...that is all i know...i never really found out what was behind it...I broke up with a certain someone i was seeing after Matt died to get my head straight...because i really ha feelings for Matt and that brought so many questions into my head as to my current relationship which i was having doubts with already...about 5 months after me and said relationship person tried again and it just wasn't workign so we quickly took a break again...which is when me and justin really started talking more and more...he was young...younger than i usually date...he was only 18, soon to be 19 but was still only in his senior year of high school...we dated a bit and i was starting to move on from Matt's death...then we lost touch for about 2 or 3 weeks because i got busy and so did he...and i told him that i couldn't date anymore until i finalized the breakup with other said relationship person..and so i did that....the day before the one year anniversary of matt's death...then that day came and it was really really rough...on all of us...we had a big celebration and partied like matt used to party...i didn't get back to my dorm until 6:30 in the morning...there were heart to hearts...shared memories, great laughs...and large amounts of tears...i was recovering the next day and was about to send Justin a message asking him out on another date and I got the call from home....I was sitting in a concert in Ives Hall at school with my friend Sarah..I noticed that my friend Ashley has called me constantly and I went out to call her at intermission and she delivered the blow...Justin...was found by his roomate....he passed away in his sleep....there was no closur...i hadn't talked to him in a few weeks...my mind went racing....i fell to y knees as the breath was cut out of me along with my heart still trying to mend itself from matt....i ran upstairs and grabbed my bag and couldn't hold it together....sarah left with me and stayed with me all night.......No one knew besides a few friends back home...my family..my sister...had no idea because i kept it secret i was dating someone that much younger than me...two days later i went to the wake...ashley and lynda and liz were there by my side to hold me up because i was still in shock of the unexpectedness....we walked in the funeral home...and it was open casket...again...taken by surprise....matt's was closed...they didn't want his friends and family seeing him like that..they wanted them to keep him in their memory alive and well....but justin's was open....i kneeled in front f the casket..tears blurring my eyes as i took in every inch of him so as not to ever forget him and i went to greet the faily....his father...his step-mother...(his biological mother passed away some few years ago) and i couldn't help but think...his father lost his wife and now his son...his sister lost her mother and now her brother....and his sister...i realized that i knew her...we went to high school together and knew eachother quite well..and i don't know how i never put the two together....we hugged for so long...i talked to a few people and then went back to school to sleep through the rest of the day...then the next day was the funeral....again there were so many people there...teachers...students..friends..family...people who knew him through theater and the community...it was undoubtedly one of the saddest funerals i've been too...you could hear his coworkers and friends just sobbing....the we processed to the cemetery for the last rights and the burial....i'll nver forget the scene...so many young people standing with such grief on their faces...all holding a single flower in their hands...leaning on each other for support...and suddenly a voice broke through...this girl....this amazingly gifted girl (by the way he went to an arts magnet school)spoke up in song...amazing grace....and others followed suit...harmonizing with her...it was so absolutely beautiful....i stayed behind for a while and said my goodbyes..and laid my flower on his casket...and went back to school...

this year was heavy but lighter than last year...i've had this giant thrust foward in my life recently and even though it still hurts out of missing him and matt alike i feel i have finally let go...I talked ot my asst manager at work and he let me out 2 hours early from work to get to the cemetery before it got dark....when i drove up and walked to his grave i could not believe the amount of decorations and tigns his friends had brought...there were balloons...a big poster with pictures of him...bracelets, flowers, pins, letters..there were rose petals laid all over the ground...what an amazing tribute..they took his life and celebrated it at his final resting place....i stayed for a while and had a chat...telling him that i was ok now and that i was moving on from everything and that he would never be forgeotten but i had to get on with my life...tears were shed on the ride home as well as when i got home and my mother gave me a big hug...i went out with certain friends to drink and celebrate his life and our memories with him...amazing how a person could leave such a huge impact in such a short time of knowing them...but i can feel both him and matt watching over me...i feel their energy from time to time..especially when i'm having a hard night...and even though i miss them greatly i know they are still with me...Rest peacfully Justin...i'll always remember you and what you gave me..Thank you for everything..






After Justin's funeral i returned to school...now, in my life, i always look for the small things, the small messages hidden all around...and i believe completely that this was no coincidence...I returned back to school..no one was in the room...i went to my bedroom and fell asleep..eventually...and all of the sudden i woke up out of a deep sleep to find this exact part of across the universe playing on the tv...my roomate must have come back and flipped on the movie channel and left the room...i had never seen the movie prior to this....and i was just in tears...it felt as if i was woken up to see that...to let me know that things would be ok...to just let things be...and the answers will present themselves...it was almost mind boggling


this is a memorial video that someone put togehter after his passing...and i didn't notice it until it was brought to my attention...but the friend that made this attatched my message i left amongst the hundreds and hundreds of messages on his wall on facebook..